Hello. I am having a bad day. I wanted to write today about how I am feeling so bad about myself and how I'm not good enough or smart enough. I had all these sad things I was prepared to tell you about. Then, I started reading in preparation for the r.s. lesson they asked me to teach on sunday. (feeling a tad bit inadequate...) Reading the words of our prophets helped me feel a teensy bit better. Then I listened to the MOtab sing a few great songs. Faith in Every Footsteps is one of my very most favorites. That boosted my mood a bit too. Then I put myself to work and did some service. That helped even more. I had a few rotten things happen to me, but they don't seem so bad anymore. I am still a little sad, but I'm working on it.
Reading this helps. It is totally true.
What you don’t see, By Tiffany Gee Lewis. (stolen from a blog I stalk)What you don’t see, when we all march into church on Sunday morning, is the chaos of the morning that happened just 10 minutes earlier. What you don’t see, when you look at my four little boys in their suits, is that the 7-year-old is wearing Dad’s socks because we couldn’t find his. And they go all the way up to his knees. What you don’t see, when I pull out the lovely quiet book I made a few years back, is that below it, in my church bag, are five baggies of smashed raisins because I haven’t cleaned out the bag for months. When you enter my house, with its shining entryway, you don’t see the three loads of laundry dumped on my bed. Or the dirty pots I stashed in the oven. And you will never see the interior of my minivan, not until I find the time to vacuum it out. When you admire the hand-sewn pajamas I made for all the kids, we don’t talk about the three nights I got no sleep to make those. If you look on my blog, you will see pictures of homemade chicken noodle soup with homemade noodles. You won’t see my confession to popping in a frozen pizza THREE times last week for dinner. Or the night we ate Cheerios for dinner, dry, because we were out of milk. There is a zoom on my camera for a reason. There is a delete button for a reason. I don’t think we’re all playing a part. We naturally want to put our best selves forward, so that is what other people see. They don’t see what’s going on behind the scenes. I like to think that good parenting is like a duck on the water. What you see is the gentle, almost effortless gliding, not the furious paddling that happens underneath. I keep a mental list of about ten people I want to stalk by camera, from morning to night, to see how they do it all. Are they up at 4 a.m.? Can they survive on three hours of sleep? Do they have a housekeeper? Because I drop balls just as fast as I can grab them. My intentions are of pure gold, but they come out as tinkling brass, at best. I started a blog last fall. I dragged my feet into it for many reasons. One of the main reasons I hesitated was I didn’t want to be another contributor to the cyberspace guiltosphere out there. Especially where mothers are concerned, do we need one more reason to feel guilty? Because from the looks of things, other families are happier, their houses are cleaner, their marriages are better, their clothes are more stylish and their craftiness is even more crafty. Their lives are perfectly lovely, while my kids are running around screaming in their diapers. My worst fears were confirmed last week when I got an e-mail from a friend who asked, “How do you do it all? Your column, your blog, all the things you do with your children? You’re amazing!” I looked around at my house, at the six bins of winter clothes waiting to be transported to the garage, at the sewing projects stacked against the wall, at the state of the toothpaste crusted to the sink … I let things go, a lot of things. A spanking-clean house is not a high priority for me. I’m a big believer in mud and its importance in a child’s life. The time I take to write is time away from scrubbing that bathroom sink. I would rather read with my kids than shop at the mall, so I am certainly not up-to-date on the latest styles. I’ve been listening to the same music for 20 years because I can’t seem to keep up with the latest music scene. And I require a lot of sleep. We all have priorities. For some, it is keeping a spotless house, and they are good at it. For others, it is writing, or exercising, or serving others. And yes, there are some who seem to do it all, the Benjamin Franklins of the world. I tell myself I don’t have to be them. And also, Benjamin Franklin was not much of a family man. Even he let things go. What we don’t see, when we look at each other on Sunday, or on blogs, or in our shiny kitchens, is that we all have different talents and unique situations. I tell my kids all the time: Life is not a race. The only person you are competing against is yourself. What we forget to see, when admiring others, is our own personal finish line.
What you don’t see, By Tiffany Gee Lewis. (stolen from a blog I stalk)What you don’t see, when we all march into church on Sunday morning, is the chaos of the morning that happened just 10 minutes earlier. What you don’t see, when you look at my four little boys in their suits, is that the 7-year-old is wearing Dad’s socks because we couldn’t find his. And they go all the way up to his knees. What you don’t see, when I pull out the lovely quiet book I made a few years back, is that below it, in my church bag, are five baggies of smashed raisins because I haven’t cleaned out the bag for months. When you enter my house, with its shining entryway, you don’t see the three loads of laundry dumped on my bed. Or the dirty pots I stashed in the oven. And you will never see the interior of my minivan, not until I find the time to vacuum it out. When you admire the hand-sewn pajamas I made for all the kids, we don’t talk about the three nights I got no sleep to make those. If you look on my blog, you will see pictures of homemade chicken noodle soup with homemade noodles. You won’t see my confession to popping in a frozen pizza THREE times last week for dinner. Or the night we ate Cheerios for dinner, dry, because we were out of milk. There is a zoom on my camera for a reason. There is a delete button for a reason. I don’t think we’re all playing a part. We naturally want to put our best selves forward, so that is what other people see. They don’t see what’s going on behind the scenes. I like to think that good parenting is like a duck on the water. What you see is the gentle, almost effortless gliding, not the furious paddling that happens underneath. I keep a mental list of about ten people I want to stalk by camera, from morning to night, to see how they do it all. Are they up at 4 a.m.? Can they survive on three hours of sleep? Do they have a housekeeper? Because I drop balls just as fast as I can grab them. My intentions are of pure gold, but they come out as tinkling brass, at best. I started a blog last fall. I dragged my feet into it for many reasons. One of the main reasons I hesitated was I didn’t want to be another contributor to the cyberspace guiltosphere out there. Especially where mothers are concerned, do we need one more reason to feel guilty? Because from the looks of things, other families are happier, their houses are cleaner, their marriages are better, their clothes are more stylish and their craftiness is even more crafty. Their lives are perfectly lovely, while my kids are running around screaming in their diapers. My worst fears were confirmed last week when I got an e-mail from a friend who asked, “How do you do it all? Your column, your blog, all the things you do with your children? You’re amazing!” I looked around at my house, at the six bins of winter clothes waiting to be transported to the garage, at the sewing projects stacked against the wall, at the state of the toothpaste crusted to the sink … I let things go, a lot of things. A spanking-clean house is not a high priority for me. I’m a big believer in mud and its importance in a child’s life. The time I take to write is time away from scrubbing that bathroom sink. I would rather read with my kids than shop at the mall, so I am certainly not up-to-date on the latest styles. I’ve been listening to the same music for 20 years because I can’t seem to keep up with the latest music scene. And I require a lot of sleep. We all have priorities. For some, it is keeping a spotless house, and they are good at it. For others, it is writing, or exercising, or serving others. And yes, there are some who seem to do it all, the Benjamin Franklins of the world. I tell myself I don’t have to be them. And also, Benjamin Franklin was not much of a family man. Even he let things go. What we don’t see, when we look at each other on Sunday, or on blogs, or in our shiny kitchens, is that we all have different talents and unique situations. I tell my kids all the time: Life is not a race. The only person you are competing against is yourself. What we forget to see, when admiring others, is our own personal finish line.
So there you have it. I have remembered for today that my Heavenly Father knows me personally and loves me for who I am. He knows that I am trying and He is helping me. That is big for me today.
12 comments:
glad to know you have those days too :) I sort of feel like I'm always trying to keep my head above water. I do a lot of things... only most of them are only half way at the expense of everything else. I agree, there is always LOTS of stuff that others don't see, which gives the appearance of something so perfect... we see our lives in every single detail--which of course can be discouraging, but also it helps those small achievements all the bigger since we know what it took to get there!
Your picture looks a lot better than mine would. That's the good news! :D The bad news is that more of those days will probably come, but it's ok. We all have them. You are one of my heroes. Cheer up! Think about it this way only 2 more hours and the kids will be in bed and you can get into a good book and a hot bath! Enjoy!
i love your blogging. that's perfect for me. thanks! hope you have a good day, & thanks for reminding me that i'm doing ok, take a day at a time.
Well your hair looks good :) You need some sunshine.
You'll have to give me the link to that blog you've been stalking. :) She had LOTS of good points! We all have those days!
I agree with Melissa...you need sunshine! Your hair does look good by the way. Like I said you picture looks better than mine would. LOL!
Wow, Stephanie. I love that blog quote. Thanks for sharing. Sorry you were having a rough one. I can totally relate to that. Great picture of you though. Kudos for recording the "real" parts of life.
BTW, I just realized that I know the girl whose blog you mentioned. She was in the journalism program with me at BYU. Funny.
Once when I was having the most awful day ever (Parker wouldn't eat AT ALL, and he was crying, and I had a horrible 2 year old...blah blah blah) Parker's speech therapist said-you know what, today may be a bad day, but there is always tomorrow, and if it turns out to be a bad week, there's always next week, so let the day go, go ahead and chalk it up as bad, and tell yourself that tomorrow is gonna be better. Sometimes, that was all I could do. But, guess what? kids grow older and go to school, husband's finish school, you eventually catch up one day on laundry/housework etc....and you say, you know what, today was a good day :D I hope you feel better soon! Hopefully the sun is out and it is warming up...that always cheers me up-I could not take the gray and cold in Utah-even got SAD 2 of the years I was there...so here's praying for sun!!!
Well bad day or not, you look great! :)
I could not have said that better myself. I feel EXACTLY like that blog you quoted...and I feel exactly like how you feel sometimes. I'm always trying to be perfect at everything and of course never getting there because I/we CANNOT do it all. Drew always reminds me to slow down. It is so hard to find balance. But in trying to find it, we can learn so much. I think that is Heavenly Fathers purpose when we feel like we are wading in quick sand, there is so much to gain as we get out of it. Thank you SO much for this post. It made my day better. Wish I would have read it a few days ago! We can't wait to see you guys at the reunion! You rock!
Wow! Can you tell me what blog you stalk to get those goods? I good use more of that good read! PS- Pictures above are amazing. You're getting so good and I would LOVE to see you this weekend!
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